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Runaway with Me
#Makes new sims posts new edit#Just something floating around my brain#Besides I can't only let the male ocs have fun during pride month#Alex Arden#Jax Oakley
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i'm noticing that when people request things and i write it for them, sometimes the people i write for dont reblog or give me any feedback. ^^ its starting to get a bit irritating when i take the time to write something and i just get a like from the person. the twst fandom has been talking about this since forever but literally the least you can do is reblog. seriously.
#im thinking about not taking requests ever anymore honestly#like i have ideas floating around in my brain#why should i write something for someone else when they dont even appreciate it#i wanted to finish the 1.8k event but i dont even think i'll be able to do that#its a shame the twst community turned out this way#and even just writing in general gahhh#like i love writing but its becoming such a chore#anyways my mutuals can request stuff but im getting fed up#its also been hurting my feelings a bit.#i actually had this happen DURING the 1.8k event too#i wrote stuff for moots and couldnt wait to see their reactions and then they just liked#it felt like a slap in the face#idk man i just want to enjoy things again that would be nice#ikepri and ikevamp fandom here i come i hope ygys are more receptive!!#🐙! auburn's rambles <3
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hey guys sorry if posting my art takes a little while I've been too busy thinking about visual kei fashion and gnawing on my enclosure abt it xoxo 💋💕🫶
rant in tags beware ⚠️🤓
#rant#it's taking too much brainspace I have so many clothes diys I wanna finish/do#and outfit ideas#and art ideas#and art wips#but executive dysfunction is the FUCKING DEVIL OHHHHHGGJJJ MY GODDDD#SAVE ME FROM THE BRAIN DEMONS PLEEEEAAASE😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏💔💔💔💔#so if any of you guys have cared to read this at all + have seen some of my past posts#I wanna give a formal apology for announcing my epic ideas and then seemingly abandoning them 🫡😓💔🫶#i think it might be a curse atp because WHY DOES EVERYTIME I SHOW YOU GUYS SOMETHING IM WORKING ON MY MOTIVATION COMPLETELY DISAPPEARS 😭#I actually feel bad bc I'm just leaving you guys in the dust 😓#I feel like I'm just ping ponging from idea to idea- mini project to mini project- and I end up doing nothing about any of it 😭#does this also happen to you guys??? is my brain melting????#tfw when you physically can't keep working on a project anymore even though your heart yearns for its completion 😍😛✌️#so many funny ideas..... yet so little willpower 💔......#<- someone who's probably gonna post another animation later#this has been floating around in my noggin for a while#but for the meager amount of only 200+ people who have followed me so far (if you ever read this) thank you so much. like genuinely 🫶#I might post a lil something about it lol#I'm also really glad for all of my awesome mutuals!!!! whether or not we've ever interacted❤️#please excuse me 🙏I must now go stare at clothes from vkei and kote kei fashion brands whilst mentally watching paint dry#lest I be sent to shadow realm for daring to try to focus on other tasks 🙏 godspeed soldiers 🫡#ok rant over 😎⚠️
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I'll make a few more and take better pictures but the main point of my Masters drawing was to make them out of paper.
#I will do more during dnd tomorrow. they're (mostly) quite simple. I did candles today bc the thought “I bet I could speedrun a candles”#kept floating around my head. so I did speedrun a candles in like 40min which is very fast for paperwork. I wasn't rushing#the term “speedrun a candles” just sounds funny to me and my brain works by getting jokes like that stuck until I do something about it#mr candles
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When still living in the same city as her there is always a chance that you will run into a person you Do Not want to see, and even if you recognize her but you are not sure she saw you and you only walked by her it can Still absolutely Tank your mood for the rest of the day.
#monster noises#and I was so proud of myself too!#i did pride today and I was up on the float doing crowdwork!!#a few years ago i would have absolutely locked up and had a bit of a breakdown and had to get down or run away or something#but I did it and I did a good job!#but then I saw her at a bus stop i was unavoidably going to be walking past and my brain was Immediately like#-One Thousand Screams Alarm-#and I walked past quickly and she was talking to someone else and my hairs much longer than when she last saw me and so's my beard#and i had a hat and sunglasses on so she probably didn't even See me amd it wouldn't have mattered if she Did#cause she also probably doesn't want to chat idly with me#it still freaked me out real bad#and now my brains just been spiralling all around that junk all afternoon#when i should have been working on my Comic#and ACK#i wanted to have this done this weekend but that's kinda on me for forgetting Pride was happening this weekend as well vjcjkdc#but i digress#really didn't need to see her at the time i'm at in my life right now specifically#but it was both pride and a convention for a thing she's really into this weekend so the percent chance we'd be in the same area went Way u#it was bound to happen#just#Ugh
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*COUGH*
The Resistance has PTSD of AFO using Cynthia's piano theme
*COUGH*
#the resistance (kudo and bruce) would be around our year so. they definitely know about cynthia#many a men: [PTSD]#thought of this cuz i was reminded of volo forcing me to actually use my brain#running around so easily and BAM heres a theme warning you that ☆it's time to die!☆#i stalled that battle so hard for over half an hour#anyway i think that cynthias theme should play whenever the resistance encountered afo#bruce (the only one with common sense): *in the sewers* Why do I hear piano#AFO: *right behind them*#i think cynthias theme matches. i still have a bundled knot of feelings over fighting volo and hes not even as bad as cynthia apparently#*a century later* *kudo sleeping in the void* *Midoriya plays cynthias theme* *kudo's eyes snap open*#AFO absolutely wouldve used the natural terror of cynthias theme for his own Demon Lord aesthetic#the ingrained terror of begging for mercy against cynthia? yeah AFO is just gonna snatch that to make everyone cower before him#can u imagine being in the resistance and AFO frickin. plays cynthias theme throughout a barren wasteland. you dont know why.#all you know is that your nerves are rising. and All For One [The Demon Lord] floats down to ruin your last few seconds of life#kudo: (terrified) THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE.#some resistance member with a record of trolling people with sound effects and background music: Leader I swear it's not me this time-#afo#all for one#kudo#bruce#spoilers#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#AFO to cynthias theme already being ingrained as a terror response to everyone: It's Free Real Estate!#whos gonna stop him the government? there IS no government. /HE/ is the god of Japan at this point#alright everyone i think this is something that can absolutely be used in resistance fics or resistance-recollections of AFO#the darn terror.#i didnt elaborate but i mean cynthia as in PKMN champion cynthia (tag limit)
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(eye twitching) k...... kieflo.................
#solis.txt#Idont think theyve fully left my brain ever since indisk theyre just hanging out up there. permanently#I should draw them. again. I have a lot of fun imagery in my head to play around with for them. like black holes!!!#also Ive been playing around with solisverse exclusive. ship??? names. at this point I dont think solisverse kieflo is a 'ship' more than-#-a. an inevitability? a law of the universe? something like that.#I have a couple ideas for it floating about my mind but idk shrug we'll see
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i have a little au floating around in my brain
#cosmic chatter#sonic#blaze#sonic the hedgehog#blaze the cat#misplacement au#thats what im calling it at least#its not really a roleswap au#its more of a uhh eggman messed with something that led to a space-time error#which caused sonic and blaze to swap places#i had this idea floating around in my brain for a bit#i just ended up hyperfixating and developing it a Lot while at work yesterday
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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I‘ve had this thought for a while now and I think it‘s gotten more true over time: I think we aren‘t meant to be defenders against all the evils in the world.
Being a good person does not, cannot possibly, entail fighting every societal evil that is currently in existence. It used to be more simple, you‘d just fight the evils that are closer to you because those are the only ones you know of. Slavery, Misogyny, Exploitation of any kind, but limited to those you could actually help.
But this limitation freed up your mental resources to actually fight well against those evils you saw.
Nowadays, fighting all the evils you see is absolutely a laughable notion, because you see ALL of it. You want to protest against the Palestinian genocide? Well, why didn‘t you go to the protest against the genocide in the Congo? The Feminist protest against the misogynistic policies in the Middle East? Are those people worth less to you? And are you vegan? Do you just not care about the horrific treatment of animals kept for food? Why are you sending tweets defending Queer people when your local soup kitchen needs helpers?
It‘s too much. I think „being a good person“, whatever that means, has to mean picking one or two issues and fighting for those. You can maybe help mobilise people for the fight against other evils happening at all times, but you cannot be all in on all of them.
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maybe id actually fucking write if i wrote horror
#i dont know why i never realized i can just. do that. but today i realized that uh.#i can just come up with endless Really Fucked Up Stuff if i try. ive got all this horror media floating around in my head already#why not give remixing it and making something new a go#if i get to the point of being able to afford to commission art i know exactly who id ask too#no clue if theyd agree but like. ough. i have MOTIVATION again#theres ROOM in my BRAIN#spring is coming the world is thawing im AWAKE again
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the constant urge to expand on lumine's species and original purpose / personality / goals vs knowing whatever hoyo is gonna give us will completely deconstruct all of that, fight
#( ooc. )#i mean lbr if hoyo does something i don't like then i'll just play around with it until it works for me lmao#but i still kind of want it to connect SOMEWHAT easily smh#i just. have so much more floating around in my smooth brain about her existence /before/ teyvat than i do about her existence ON it#she might as well be a fandomless oc with a genshin verse at this point-
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I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it
#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with#no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to#ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and#then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there#like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day)#(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this#inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m#normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans#are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of#getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and#I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage#where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not#like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my#friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the#only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so#long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy#forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s#what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is#destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)
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i hate anytime anyone says like "You should just do this one specific thing with writing bc it's the superior way of writing and everything else sucks" bc im like well what if i dont want to do that with my writing. i rather like how my writing is as it is. & then it makes me feel self conscious of my writing. bc brains are bitches i guess.
#speculation nation#like i do take writing advice into consideration bc it's not like my writing is perfect#there are still things i could improve on. & im working on them.#but. sometimes ppl r just so... generalizing.#this is Specifically with regards to the sentiment ive seen going around of 'it's best to just stick to 'said'' with dialogue tags#and i... dont like doing that.#i find it Fun to think on whether theres a more descriptive word!#and it can really embellish the writing when you find the right ones#and i also like to intersperse dialogue among actions and thoughts. to mix it up & all#'said' just feels very... bland to me. i dont like using it much.#im trying to work on using it if theres just not a more descriptive tag that properly fits. & there's not an action i can easily insert#bc i do agree that overusing synonyms of 'said' gets you that My Immortal type of screenshot#it's about moderation. it's all about moderation.#i know im overthinking this. i KNOW plenty of people have said they like how i write.#but when i see something like this that contradicts the way that i write. it makes me so incredibly self conscious i find it hard to write.#the thing is i try to seem confident on ao3 but i am anything but. even after 640k words posted my confidence is flimsy at best#so even one statement that could be read as anything other than a glowing review makes me so self conscious i wanna curl up in a ball#gaaaah brain's a bitch. anytime i start getting self doubts i try to just shut up about it so i dont bother anyone else with it#since it happens... unfortunately very often. VERY often.#ive been thinking about this for a few weeks tho & ive seen another post on the matter floating around#it's a joke post. not even that serious. but it still makes me so self conscious.#so i wanted to get it off my chest. mostly just complaining. i hate feeling so self conscious about my writing.#hundreds of comments of praise and excitement for my writing & im done in by a few posts that weren't even directed at me#self consciousness is so fuckin stupid. i hate how my brain works.
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curse of want to infodump on tumblr vs. i don't trust my knowledge enough to infodump on tumblr
#that's the thing it's all just floating around in my brain i don't do anything with it#i kind of Want to do something with it but for the same reasons i can't be 100% it's all correct#it's just an amalgamation of many years' worth of interest#i don't have Sources it's all just stored in my head#source: I Read It Somewhere And I Would Not Intentionally Lie To You Trust Me#mine
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Absolutely horrific heart pounding nightmare woke me up for the day. That's. a start to it lmao
#text post#it started out so cool and had like. Jim as a diver? in something v futuristic for some docu that olu was narrating#but it just got. horrible minute by minute#Olu's narration revealed that the earth had been decimated by a war involving multiple nuclear weapons#and somehow things were like. okay enough for some survivors like him and jim to make it? but things were V Fucked lmao#then midway thru jims device/pod thing broke and it felt like i was literally controlling them thru an ocean under the crust of the earth#(no idea what that's abt lmao i think my brain spaced on set dressing this dream a lil bit)#and it was like trying to swim them thru pudding but with so many irradiated and fucked up and ANGRY sea creatures all around#i got them to the surface after floating past a bunch of bodies but they were basically out of air by then so they were gasping hard#and i woke up right then and woke up basically the same way lmao#it's been several minutes now and my heart is still pounding like mad#and im crying a little and can't seem to stop but today i set aside to try and force myself to have a good big cry#i need to find something to watch to make me cry tho so maybe s2 thus far again lol bc certain moments might do it#more likely i need to see what else i have from my past watchlists that are Guaranteed Cry items and try one of those#so i can get over this current thing with the ptsd and get my shit back together even temporarily#duct tape that all back together in the box in my brain until the next random trigger (bc i still dunno exactly what made this one go)#i think it might actually be my brain processing late a lot of Move Feelings re: mum & family bc that's what Housemate#and i talked abt last night a lot but ultimately im ???? as to a for sure trigger#anyway GOOD FUCKING MORNING i guess aksndjffjfj
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